Greek Jokes

GREEK HELL...

A Man dies and goes to hell.  There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.  He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"  He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.  Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.  Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."  The man doesn't like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.  He checks out the American hell, as well as the Russian hell & many more.  He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Greek hell and finds that there is a long line of people from all nationalities waiting to get in.  Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"  He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.  Then the Greek devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."  The man says "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells.  Why are there so many people waiting to get in?".  He is told, "Because the maintenance crew is always on strike, there is no electricity so the electric chair doesn't work, Albanians have stolen all the nails from the bed and the devil is a former Government employee who comes in, signs the register and then goes to have his kafethaki and eat kourambiethes all day..."

THREE GREEKS AND THREE TURKS...

Three Greeks and three Turks are travelling by train to a conference.  At the station, the three Turks buy a single ticket each and watch as the three Greeks buy one single ticket.  "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Turks. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Greeks.  They all board the train and while the Turks take their seats in the carriage the three Greeks cram into a toilet and shut the door.  Shortly after the train leaves the station the conductor comes around to collect tickets.  He knocks on the toilet door and says "Ticket Please"  The door opens just enough for a single arm to emerge with a ticket in hand.  The conductor takes the ticket and moves on into the next carriage.  The Turks see this and agree what a very clever idea it was.

After the conference, the Turks decide to copy the Greeks on the return trip and save money.  When they get to the station they buy one single ticket but to their amazement the Greeks don't buy a ticket at all.  "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one of the Turks.  "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Greeks.   When they board the train the three Turks cram into a toilet and the three Greeks cram into another toilet nearby.  Shortly after the train leaves the station one of the Greeks leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Turks are hiding.  He knocks on the door and says "Ticket Please"

GREEK MILLIONAIRE...

A Greek walks into a bank in London and asks about a loan.  He tells the bank manager that he is going to Greece on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £10,000 at very short notice.  The bank manager tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Greek hands over the keys to a new Ferrari, which is parked outside the bank in the street.  The Greek produces the registration documents which check out, so the bank manager agrees to accept the Ferrari as collateral for the loan.  The Greek leaves and an employee of the bank drives the Ferrari to a secure parking area.  The bank staff have a good laugh at the Greek for leaving his £500,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £10,000 loan.

Two weeks later the Greek returns to the bank and repays the £10,000 loan and the interest amounting to £30.56.  The bank manager tells the Greek that they were very happy to have done business with him but were a little puzzled.  Having run a credit check on the Greek they discovered he was a multi-millionaire.  The bank manager asks the Greek "Why would you bother to borrow £10,000 when you have so much money?"  The Greek replies "Where else in London could I have parked my Ferrari securely for two weeks for £30.56 and knew that it would be there on my return?"

A GREEK, A TURK AND TWO WOMEN ON A TRAIN...

In a train carriage was a Greek, a Turk, a beautiful young blonde woman and an ugly old lady.  After they had been travelling for a while the train sped into a tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap was heard.  When the train emerged from the tunnel, the Turk had a big red hand mark on his cheek.

The beautiful young blonde woman thought "That Turk must have tried to touch me and by mistake touched the ugly old lady, who slapped his face".  The ugly old lady thought "That Turk must have touched that beautiful young blonde woman who quite rightly slapped his face".  The Turk thought "That Greek must have touched that beautiful young blonde woman and by mistake she slapped me".  The Greek thought "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that Turk again".

MARIA AND PETROS...

Maria and Petros are in the twilight of their years and live a quiet life in a small Greek village.  One day Petros is taken gravely ill and laying on his death bed he tells Maria with his dying breath how great their life has been and how much he loves her.  Maria is desolate at her loss but is sure that because Petros was such a good man he will have gone to heaven".

Time passes and Maria misses Petros so much she wonders whether she can contact him on the other side.  So she takes herself off to consult a local medium.  Maria asks the medium whether she can get in touch with Petros and she says "Of course".  The medium raises her hands towards the sky and gently calls "Are you there, Petros?"  At first nothing, then she says to Maria "Petros is coming through and would like to talk to you directly".

Maria is beside herself with joy and says "Petros my love, tell me are you happy where you are?" Petros replies "Hello Maria, I am very happy", this is a wonderful, wonderful place".  Maria then asks "Petros my love, tell me how you spend your days?"  "You won't believe it" said Petros.  I have salad for breakfast and then I have sex all morning.  I have salad for lunch and then I have sex all afternoon and then in the evening I have more salad and have sex all night"  Maria is appalled and says "But Petros my love, I always thought that heaven was a solemn and holy place"  "It may be" said Petros "but I got reincarnated as a rabbit".

THREE MARRIED COUPLES ARRIVE AT HEAVENS GATES...

A Jewish couple, an Irish couple and a Greek couple all die on the same day and arrive at the pearly gates of Heaven.  Waiting for them is Saint Peter who says "I will ask you two questions and if you answer them satisfactorily you can enter into heaven.

He turns to the Jewish man and says "Tell me why you deserve to be in Heaven".  After some thought he replies "Because I have been pious all my life, have attended synagogue every Saturday and raised a lot of money for charity".  Saint Peter asks "And what is your wife's name?"  "He replies "My wife's name is Penny".  Saint Peter said "You Jews are all the same, money, money, money".  You even married a woman whose name has to do with money.  Begone, you are damned to Hell"

Then Saint Peter turns to the Irishman and says "Tell me why you deserve to be in Heaven".  After some thought he replies "Because I have been a devout Catholic all my life, have attended church every Sunday and always given generously to the collection plate".  Saint Peter asks "And what is your wife's name?"  He replies "My wife's name is Brandy".  Saint Peter said "You Irish are all the same, drink, drink, drink".  You even married a woman whose name has to do with alcohol.  Begone, you are damned to Hell"

With that, the Greek man turns to his wife and says "Fanny, I think we have a problem..."